1st Week of School

Gracie has now completed her first week of school.  She did such an awesome job!  I was so worried that she would be fussy, but her teachers said she did a great job.  I am so proud of our little girl.  I am so thankful that I can go check on Gracie throughout the day.  It is so nice to be able to go and check on her.  I can't even imagine having to leave her for 8 or 9 hours straight.  I had hoped that I would be able to feed Gracie several times throughout the day.  Although work did not always allow that, I was able to see her.  I can't wait to see how much Gracie grows and learns while being at school.  She is doing such a great job holding her head up by herself now.  She can't do it all of the time by herself, but she is working on it.  Another exciting development is that Gracie is opening her hands up more and more.  It is amazing how big her hands seem now that she does not keep them closed all of the time.  These are just a few of the changes with our little girl.

My first week back to work, it was quite exhausting.  I was not prepared for how tired I would be going back to work.  After only one week back at work, I feel like I have been there for weeks.  There are so many new challenges of going back to work.  The hardest challenge has been not being able to be with my little girl all day long.  Yes, I know that I have it so much better than most mothers, since I can see her throughout the day.  But I still struggled with me not being her primary care giver during the day.  My main concern is that she will grow more attached to her teachers instead of me.  However, I have to say, it melts my heart when I walk into her classroom to give a tour or talk to the teachers about work related stuff, and she hears my voice and starts to cry.  No, I don't want my little girl to cry, but it is nice that she recognizes my voice.  The first day I left my little girl while being at school was on Thursday when I went out to lunch to celebrate my friend's birthday.  We were sitting at the table when all of the sudden I realized I had left my little girl.  This was the first time I had been away from here except once when she was a week old.  I was sad for a minute but then realized she was taken care of and perfectly fine.  We are now getting ready for our second week of work/school.  I can't wait to see how my little girl does this week.

My little girl on her first day of school! :)

Lessons Learned in the Past Month

  My little girl was one month on Monday, and I have learned so many things in the past month.  One of the biggest things I have learned that being a Mommy is one of the greatest things in life, but also one of the hardest.  I love my little girl more and more each and every day, and I also worry about her each and every day.  Just when I think I have one worry down, another one creeps up.  I also learned that the first few weeks after having a baby are the very hardest, but things do get better.  You learn to adjust to your new life.  No, life will never go back to the way things use to be, but life is even better.  My life now revolves around Gracie and her needs. 

Another lesson I have learned is that babies cry and it's ok for them to cry.  I freaked out each time Gracie cried at first.  I thought, oh no, I'm not being a good mom because my baby is crying.  I have now learned that as long as she has been fed, doesn't have a dirty diaper, and is comfortable, then she will be ok if she cries.  One of Gracie's favorite times to cry is while I am trying to get ready in the morning.  I always place her in her little swing up in our room, but she seems to always want to cry while I get ready.  At first, it really bothered me, but now I've learned to try to comfort her as best as I can, but it's ok if she cries.  Usually she is just sleepy and wants to fight going to sleep.  There are other times that she cries during the day as well.  I try to comfort as best as I can, but I know that as long as she is ok, it's ok if she cries a little bit.  Now, of course, I don't want her to cry, but I have learned not to think something is terribly wrong if my baby is crying.

I have also learned how important it is to take some time for myself each day.  I need that break to be able to recharge myself.  Sometimes this break is simply walking the dog, other times it's just taking a few more minutes in the shower to think.  Some days, these breaks are me looking through my closet, and trying on a few clothes to see what fits, and other days it's trying a new way to wear my hair.  No matter how I spend my small breaks, it is always nice just to a have a few minutes to myself.

I have tried to learn how to savor each moment.  I am amazed how quickly this first month of Gracie's life has quickly passed, and I know the other months will fly by, especially once I return to work.  I especially enjoy the moments that I get to watch my wonderful husband spend quality time with our little girl.  Every morning, they cuddle and play while I walk the dog.  It is a special time for just the two of them.  I have fallen even more in love with my amazing husband as I watch him with our little girl.  He is especially patient with her at night when we are trying to put her down to sleep.  I am always so tired and ready for bed, but he has so much patience with her when she's fussy and doesn't want to go to sleep.  I have also learned to savor my moments with my husband.  We are much busier at home now that we ever were before, and we will only get busier when I return to work.  However, I have learned it's important to stop and spend time with my husband as well.  Even if it's just laying on the couch watching some tv, or listen to him tell me about his day.  I know it is so important to keep our relationship strong.  I love him with all my heart and grow more in love with him every day! :)

I have learned that I will be forever doing laundry.  Every time I think I catch up on the laundry, Graice goes through like 3 outfits in a day, and it's time to do more laundry.  I also learned to attach the Velcro on the bibs and swaddles so that it doesn't stick to all the other clothes!  :)

I have learned how to do many things with only one arm, since my other arm is full with carrying my baby girl! 

I have also learned that a baby uses a lot of diapers, many more than you would ever imagine.  It seems like as soon as I change her diaper, I hear her doing another job! 

These are just a few of the lessons I have learned in the past month with my sweet Gracie.  I have learned so much and I know that I will continue to learn even more as the months continue.  I can't way to see how myself, my wonderful husband, and my sweet little girl will all learn, grow, and change in the coming months and years!  :)

The First Month of Gracie's Life

The first month of Gracie's life has already passed.  I can't believe I am a parent of a month old.  This past month has gone by fast and slow all at the same time!  This has been the best month of my life but also the very hardest.  I can't even believe how much our lives have changed. 

Our little girl has grown so much in the past month.  Her newest accomplishment is her beautiful and wonderful smile.  Yes, she has been smiling before, but that was always for gas.  But now she is really smiling!  I absolutely love seeing her smile!  She is also starting to bat at different toys, swinging her hands around.  I absolutely love watching her grow and learn so many new things. 

We go for her one month wellness check on Thursday.  I can't wait to see what her weight, height, and head circumference.  I will post them after that.  She will also be getting her second Hepatitis B shot.  I am not looking forward to having to see her cry because of a shot!  :(

Well, this post is short, mainly because I am holding my sleeping beauty in my arms and it is very difficult to type a whole lot.   Below is a few pictures of her one month birthday! :)

 

Breastfeeding vs. Formula

Breastfeeding versus formula feeding has become the great debate.  I had decided before Gracie was born that I definitely wanted to breastfeed.  I knew that this would be the best thing for her.  Although I had made this decision, I was very well aware that breastfeeding would be the hardest thing I had ever done.  I had great friends that encouraged me and told me that I could do it, but were also very honest with me to let me know just how difficult it was going to be.  To say the least, I was nervous about it, but knew it would be the best for Gracie. 

Well, Gracie was born and here I am trying to breastfeed for the first time.  For me, it didn't feel as "natural" as many people had said it would.  I knew that breastfeeding was something that both me and Gracie would have to learn, but I never could have imagined that it was going to be as difficult as it was.  

From the very beginning, Gracie and I struggled with breastfeeding.  She was having trouble latching on properly.  While at the hospital, I had to meet with two different lactation specialists.  I was immediately told I had to use a nipple guard since Gracie was not able to latch on the correct way.  They discovered that Gracie's Frenelum was not stretched out properly, therefore her tongue was not able to extend the way it should to be able to latch the correct way.  I spent alot of time in the hospital with the lactation specialist working on breastfeeding.  She even had me pumping to make sure that Gracie was receiving the colostrum that she should be receiving.  I was worried about Gracie's weight, but by the time we left the hospital, she had only dropped 4%, so the doctors and nurses were very pleased.  I went home, feeling a little more confident since she hadn't dropped too much weight.

Well, we came home, and things did not seem to go as well as I would like.  I kept persevering, but wasn't too sure.  When we went to Gracie's first doctor's visit, my fears were confirmed, when we discovered she had dropped 10% of her body weight.  The doctor did not like that, and set us up with an appointment the next day to see if she gained any weight over night and to meet with the pediatrician's lactation specialist.  The whole day after her appointment, I stressed.  I felt as if the feedings were still not going well and was so sure that they were going to make me start supplementing after she was weighed the next day.  We returned the next day, and much to my surprise, she had gained 4 oz over night.  The doctor was very impressed and said we didn't have to come back until her two week appointment.  We still met with the lactation specialist, who was great!  She had many helpful hints, but made it seem like we were basically doing a great job.  She even was able to get me off of the nipple guard, which I was very excited about that, because I did not like using it.  I went home feeling very hopeful.

As the next week and a half went by, things did not seem to get much better.  I was trying very hard, but to say the least, it was STRESSFUL!  I even starting stressing about how I could possibly do this when I went back to work.  Well, we went back for Gracie's 2 week appointment and discovered that she had only gained 4 more ounces in the past week and a half.  She had not gotten back up to her birth weight yet.  The doctor didn't seem too concerned, but wanted us to come back the next week to check her weight.  I was very concerned.  She also said that I could start pumping to save up some milk.  I went home discouraged about Gracie's weight, but ready to try to start pumping.  The next week continued to be very stressful.  I felt as if our feedings were not going very well, and pumping was definitely not going well.  As hard as I tried, I was not able to pump very much.  I started thinking how in the world am I going to do this at work.  I have to be able to pump in order to continue to breastfeed.  We went back the next Friday, and again to my surprise, Gracie had gained weight, and had even surpassed her birth weight.  She was now 8 pounds, 2 ounces.  (However, right after she weighted, she peed and pooped all over her daddy why he was changing her diaper, so she may have weighed a little less after that).  I started talking with the doctor about pumping and formula.  The doctor said she understood my frustrations and had felt the same way with her child.  She said if I wanted to change her over to formula, that I should start substituting one feeding per week to get her ready for school. 

It was a very difficult decision for me, but in the end, I have decided to switch Gracie over to formula.  I can't express how difficult this decision was, but the thought of trying to breastfeed while at work completely stressed me out, especially with all of our difficulties.  I decided that Gracie and I did not need that stress.  I have since then switched over one feeding to formula and now switching over a second feeding.  I actually really like it.  I feel as if I can actually enjoy feeding my daughter.  I love the way she looks at me while I am bottle feeding her.  I actually feel as if we have a better connection during the feeding and that she seems much more satisfied after the formula.  I feel as if this is the best thing for both Gracie and myself.

I greatly admire every mother who is able to breastfeed at all, and especially for an extended amount of time.  I know what great sacrifices they go through to be able to do this for their child.  I feel as if I did all I could for my little girl but just am not able to do it for an extended amount of time.  I love her so much and want the very best for her.  I believe this is the best. 

On a side note, Gracie was able to follow me with her eyes today.  This is the first time that I noticed her being able to focus and follow me with her eyes.  I was so excited to watch her eyes follow me back and forth and side to side.  I tried to get her to do it later, and she didn't do it, but I know we are progressing.  It is so exciting to see how our little girl is already changing and growing so much.  :)

"No Ugly Face"... The Joys of a Crying Baby

"No Ugly Face" that's what Gracie's Grandpa Winstead tells her when she starts to fuss.  To say the least one of my many struggles has been my baby girl crying.  Now, I know babies cry.  I hear them cry all the time at work, however, I feel like my baby shouldn't cry.  You see, if she is crying, then that must mean that something is wrong and that I am not taking care of her like I should.  At least, that's what I feel like most of the time.  Even though I know that crying is how babies communicate, it still breaks my heart when she cries.  This is especially true when I know that she has just been fed, has a clean diaper, and just woke up from a nap.  It is at these moments that I feel like I am failing my little girl, because I can't seem to soothe her even when nothing seems to be wrong.  Gracie seems to be especially fussy most days starting around 4:30 in the afternoon.  I am already stressing about whether or not she will be fussy when she is at school.  I know how frustrating it can be for the teachers to have the children constantly crying and I do not want my little girl to be the one that frustrates the teachers.  I am hoping that she will outgrow some of this fussiness by the time she starts school.   However, our time is getting closer and closer to when she will be starting school, only 4 more weeks!  :(    We have learned that she loves her swing and at times that is the only thing that will settle her down. 

I love learning new things about my daughter each and everyday.  When Gracie first came home from the hospital, I told Chris that babies are suppose to have different cries for different things.  For example, they have one cry when they are hungry, another when they are sleepy, another one when they have a dirty diaper, etc.  Well, from the beginning, it seemed that Gracie's cry was the same no matter what was wrong.  However, in the recent weeks, I have started noticing a difference in her cries.  I have yet to be able to figure out what each cry means yet, but I am learning.  I have learned that my little girl does NOT like having a dirty diaper.  She will start fussing like nothing else when she has a dirty diaper.  I guess she takes after her Grandpa Bennett in this matter.  I wonder if she will be a neat freak like him!  :) 

"No Ugly Face"... When Grandpa Winstead says this to little Gracie it works like a charm.  She stops mid cry to see what he is saying.  I tried it today, it worked a little bit, but before I knew it, she once again starting fussing.  I guess I will have to wait till Grandpa Winstead comes around and tells her again "No Ugly Face" :)

A New Life - Becoming a Mommy

My life completely changed on January 28th, 2011.  That is the wonderful day that my little girl came into the world, and I officially became a mommy!  Even though I knew my life would completely change when we had our little girl, I had no clue how much it would change! I recently decided that I need to start a blog to document all of these changes, the challenges, and most importantly, the joys of becoming a mommy.  So, that is what this blog will be about. 

I should have known just how much life would change when my little girl decided she did not want to come on her own, and was over a week late.  Not only was she induced, but she still was so stubborn that I was in labor for 30 hours.  Just when the doctor was ready to call it quits, and do a c-section, he discovered that our little girl was ready to enter the world.  Next thing I know, everyone starts moving fast, and the doctor says we have 5 minutes to see our family before he was delivering our little girl.  By the way, I will have to tell the story of how she was encouraged to come out on another posting, but lets just say it involved her great grandmother and m & m's. :)  At 11:40am, our little girl, Grace Elizabeth was born into our lives.  She was 7 lbs 12 oz and 22 in. long.  I remember feeling so overwhelmed and not prepared to be a mommy.  How in the world am I suppose to take care of this little girl?  I know I may be an assistant director at a preschool, but all my knowledge of children seemed to go out the window that day.  I realized that though I have taken care of many children in my life, I have never taken care of one who was just born.  I didn't even know what to do. 

Since that wonderful day, I have enjoyed the many ups and downs of becoming a mommy.  I absolutely love our little girl.  However, the anxiety that has come with being a mommy is overwhelming.  I am told by all, welcome to motherhood!  However, I am trying to not let the worry and anxiety get the best of me.  Believe me, more days than not, it does, but I am working very hard to not let this happen.  I seem to worry about everything.  Is Gracie getting enough to eat, is she sleeping enough, is she sleeping too much, what's that, I hear a little cough, when will her umbilical cord going to fall off, what do I do when it does, now that it's off, why is there still some blood left over... These are the thoughts that continually go through my head and many, many more.  However, there have been so many joys that I can't even speak of all of them.  I can't put into words my feelings the first time our little girl smiled at me, or even each time she still does smile at me.  I can't explain the feeling I get when she looks into my eyes and I can tell she already completely trusts me and looks to me for comfort.  The joy I receive when someone else is holding her, but I speak and she looks my way because she hears her mommy's voice.  These are just a few of the many joys of being Gracie's mommy.

Although I have had several struggles since becoming a mommy, I am so blessed with all the support I have received.  My husband is my greatest support.  He listens to me ramble on and on.  He listens when I worry, he listens when I laugh, he listens when I just need someone to talk to.  He is so amazing with our daughter.  I know he loves her so much and would do anything and everything for her and me.  Chris is definitely my backbone.  He tells me he will support me in any decision.  I can't explain the encouragement I feel from my wonderful husband.  My second support comes from both of our families.  Both sides have been so amazing.  Between that many phone calls I make to my mother each day, asking her if this is normal for a baby, or me falling apart on my mother-in-law, crying on her shoulder because I just feel like I have no clue what I am doing.  Everyone is so amazingly supportive.  I love how close both sides of our family are to one another and to us.  It is so great to have that support.  And of course, everyone is absolutely crazy about Gracie.  My third support comes from my friends.  I am so thankful for all of my friends, who I can call on and get advice at any time.  It has been so nice to go through this pregnancy and birth with a close friend who I not only work with, but someone I trust, that also had a little girl just a few months before Gracie.  Or friends who text me to just see how we are doing and check on me while on facebook.  I absolutely love my girls from work!  All of you have been so amazing and I can't even explain the support I receive from all of you now, and when I return to work!  It's funny how even when I am on maternity leave, I still manage to go by work at least once a week just to see the girls because I miss talking to them. 

Well, this has been quite a long post, I promise all of them will not be this long.  I am ending this post with a few pictures of our precious little girl! 

Gracie right after she was born!! :)

First Family Picture

Mommy and her girl :)

Gracie at 3 weeks

Gracie loves her daddy!!